


Ride Back Home

by justbitetheapple



Category: Gaya Sa Pelikula (Web Series), Gaya sa Pelikula (RPS), Ian Pangilinan - Fandom, PangPang-Fandom, Paolo Pangilinan - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Maris Racal, Neighbors, SOGIEEqualityNow, pancake - Freeform
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justbitetheapple/pseuds/justbitetheapple
Summary: Paolo and Ian got busy in their own ways and never contacted each other for a long time. 15 years later since Gaya Sa Pelikula happened, Ian is now a renowned actor in both local and international media, while Paolo became one of the best doctors in the Philippines. Suddenly, destiny made them meet again.One car ride, will that be enough to let them find their way back to their hearts? Will that be enough to ride back to each other’s arms, the place they once called ‘home’?
Relationships: Paolo Pangilinan & Ian Pangilinan (RPS)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54
Collections: Kilometer Zero: A GSP Prompt Fest 2021





	Ride Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is written in FICTION. Payaso responsibly.
> 
> This story is written in Tagalog and English. I hope you'll enjoy reading this, especially that person who submitted this prompt!
> 
> -A.

The flash of the cameras welcomed him as he got out of his car. He brushed his hands against the black suit that he was wearing and wore the face everyone loves. People were calling his name – asking him to smile for the pictures. But it was no doubt that he looked flawless in every shot, smiling or not. Even he was already in his late-30s, he was still one of the most ravishing actors in the industry.

“Ian, right this way please,” he heard his manager, Mav, as she escorted him to the main red carpet. 

There were so many people – the old Ian would probably hide and shell back to his introverted ways, but being in the industry for so long it was already a piece of cake for him. Kung saan-saan na rin siya napadpad dahil sa mga film festival at award ceremony na na-attendan niya sa iba’t ibang bahagi ng mundo. Everyone knew he was already at his prime – including himself. Projects being offered left and right, he couldn’t believe that the dream he once craved was already in his hands.

“Ian, dito.” He was busy posing in front of the paparazzi when Mav called his name again. She was standing beside a very familiar woman – her silver gown seemed to glisten at the cameras. He gave her a tight hug and noticed the reporter and her cameraman standing behind them. They were gushing at the sudden embrace Ian gave to the woman.

“Hi! I’m Pamela from Insider Philippines. I just have a few questions for you two, okay lang ba?” she asked, a wide smile plastered on her face. They both nodded as an answer. She then faced her cameraman and brought out her microphone. “Good evening, Insiders! We’re currently here at Cornerstone’s Year-End Party here in Quezon City at kasalukuyan ko pong kasama ang love-team na aabangan ng lahat, Ian Pangilinan and Maris Racal!”

They both greeted the camera as Ian felt Maris’s hand snaked around his waist. It wasn’t a big deal for him, though. They both knew the crowd loved seeing that – it was part of the whole publicity and stuff like that. And besides, Maris has been his best friend and the only one that stood by him as he was traversing through this industry. Some did leave his side due to some unknown reasons but she was the only one that stayed – and he was beyond thankful for that.

The whole interview continued. Questions about the movie and them being one of the promising pairs to look forward to were asked and they both succeeded in answering every one of them. It was so easy especially when he’s working with one of the best people in his life. They both had their fair share of struggles and hardships but they stood by each other through thick and thin. 

“Thank you for your time, Ian and Maris. I do hope you enjoy the night and happy New Year! We wish for more projects and blessings for the next year!” 

They said their goodbyes and proceeded inside the venue. Mav was following behind them – talking with someone over the phone. Ian was busy roaming his eyes around when Maris nudged him.

“What?”

“May nalaman ako,” she said, a sly smile was on her face. He rolled his eyes because he doesn’t trust whatever his friend was planning to do or say. Sigurado siya na kalokohan nanaman ang sasabihin nito.

“Ayusin mo.” 

“Narinig ko kase na nag-invite ng old talents yung management ngayong gabi.” Biglang natigilan sila sa paglalakad. “So, tingin mo nandito si ano…?”

“Sino?” Ian asked as he started to walk away. Maris hurriedly catches up with his long strides, her hands pulling her gown so that she wouldn’t trip over and make a scene. Ang dami pa namang camera.

“Si ano… alam mo na ‘yun, Ian. Ano ka ba!”

Napatawa nalang siya sa panunukso ng kaibigan. Alam na alam niya kung sino ang tinutukoy nito. Ang plastik niya naman kung magkunwari pa siyang hindi niya alam sinasabi nito. They both knew that before Maris, there was this person who he treated as his best friend, his _safe ground_ even. Meeting this person was one of the best things that happened in his life. 

Ian was about to tell her to drop the topic but before he could even open his mouth, he already spotted a familiar man at the entrance. He was wearing a white suit that really made him stood out from the others. People were already crowding around him, showering him with all their love. Sa tagal ba naman nitong hindi nagpakita sakanilang lahat. He couldn’t even count how many years he last saw him. Thirteen? Fifteen? He literally couldn’t remember anymore. Gano’n na kase katagal.

Maris noticed the shocked look on his face, making her trace the same direction from where he was looking. And before she could even jump in joy for him, their eyes finally met. Despite the years that already passed, he still looked the same for him. 

The man waved at them – a bright smile on his face, the exact smile Ian missed seeing. And he felt his heart started to beat with the noises around them. It was the same weird feeling he felt years ago. It was the same weird feeling he only gets from that person. _Paolo_.

“Dok! Paolo!” He flinched when Maris suddenly yelled beside him. He saw how Paolo excused himself from the crowd and ran towards them.

“Hoy, Doctor Pangilinan! Ang tagal-tagal na natin ‘di nag-kita. Super busy ka yata sa work ha? Kumusta na?” 

But Ian couldn’t focus on the things Maris was babbling about because he was so focused on his face. He’s finally here – standing in front of him. He couldn’t believe it. Buong akala niya ay hinding-hindi niya na ito makikita.

He didn’t know how long he was staring at him, buti nalang ay bigla siyang siniko ng kaibigan. Do’n niya lang napansin na nakatingin na rin ito sakanya.

“Ian… kumusta na?” Paolo asked so softly as if he was so careful with the words that he was about to say to him.

But he just stood there, fighting to urge to hug him – he couldn't even move a muscle. He was just there staring at him in awe as one word escaped Ian’s lips.

“Paopao…”

\---

_ 15 years ago… _

“So tell me, Ian, Paolo. How does it feel na your show, Gaya sa Pelikula, will finally reach its end? I mean, of course, we know na it’s one of the greatest shows dito sa Pilipinas. Kayo lang din ‘yung series na ‘di lang umabot ng three seasons kundi nagka-movie din. Tell me, what do you feel about the people's reception of your show?”

Ian met Paolo’s gaze after the host asked. He nodded at him, a sign that it was his turn to answer the question. Ganito naman sila palagi kapag may guestings sila. They both wanted to let each other shine equally – walang lamangan.

As Paolo began to answer the question, he roamed his eyes around the studio. Mav was on the far end of the room, beaming at them, and gave him a thumbs-up when she saw him looking at her. They were on their last interview for the day and the screening of their movie was getting nearer. Ilang araw nalang and they have to close the book of Karl and Vlad’s love story.

Napalingon nalang muli si Ian sa host nang siya naman nito tanungin, “How about you, Ian? What are your thoughts about the success of Gaya sa Pelikula?”

“Of course, we are so glad that people really admired the characters and they got educated by the whole message of the whole show. We are so happy na they could connect with their lives, their struggles in this kind of society. Kase diba, hindi lang ‘yung struggles ni Karl and Vlad ‘yung na-highlight. We also included Anna’s storyline in regards to her being a mother, Sue’s story when she finally came to terms with her love for Joan, and even ‘yung struggles din nila Judit and Santi as individuals from a much-older generation compared to Karl and Vlad. I’m just so happy that we could tackle all that in those three seasons and I do think that what’s make it so admirable – Gaya sa Pelikula, I mean,” he answered with the occasional nose-scratching as he finds the right words.

“So after this show, ano-ano ba ang mga aasahan namin sainyong dalawa? May mga projects na ba na pwede niyong i-spoil sa’min? Will we be able to see another side of your love team?”

“Actually, I do have a teleserye coming this year and alam na din naman ng iba na I’m writing more songs. Pero for projects together, my lips are still sealed.”

“Exciting! Mukhang may aasahan kami ha?” the host clapped her hands and turned to Paolo. “How about you, Paolo? Rinig ko you’re still pursuing your studies diba?”

Ian met his eyes. Even though he was grinning at him, he still could notice how tired he was from his gaze. Alam na alam niya na kahit ga’no pa kalapad ang ngiti na ibigay niya sa lahat, ramdam na ramdam niya ang pagod nito. He saw how Paolo struggled in everything: balancing studies with his job in the entertainment industry. Palagi niya nga itong binibilhan ng kape kapag may taping sila. Palagi siyang sumasama kapag kailangan nito mag-review, Ian didn’t care if it was already past midnight. Ang importante ay kasama siya nito.

“Actually, wala pang nakakaalam nito pero I think this would be the perfect time to announce this…” He froze in his own seat when he noticed the sudden shift from his expression. Slowly his smile faded, eyes turned solemn – a rare Paolo thing to do. “I already discussed this with my family and Miss Mav but…” He was doing his best not to meet Ian’s eyes. “…this movie will be my last project.”

Everyone in the studio gasped. Everyone was shocked by what he said. 

Beads of tears started to form at the corners of Paolo’s eyes. It was so obvious that he was choking back the sobs that were starting to bubble inside of him. 

“Coming up to this decision wasn’t easy. I’m so thankful for everything that I received from this show – the friends that I’ve met, the support, everything. I really love acting and being here in this industry, pero I really want to pursue my dreams of being a doctor…”

Ian didn’t know how to react. If it weren’t for the cameras and the people surrounding them, he would surely console him and ask him if he was okay. What made him give up his passion for acting? 

He thought he was enough to help him get through all of this. Kulang ba ang ginawa niya? He was dying to ask him that question but all he could do was stare at him in confusion – as Paolo’s eyes drowned the cries of Ian’s breaking heart.

The whole interview ended and they were now walking to the parking lot. Ian was silently trailing behind Paolo, unusual that they weren’t walking beside each other like before.

“Paopao…” that was the first time that their eyes met after that interview. He just couldn’t find the right words to say and Paolo didn’t know how to explain it to him without making it all weird and awkward. But they both knew they needed to talk about it. “Sabay ka na sa’kin…”

They both looked at Mav for approval and she gave them both a nod - as if she knew the real intentions of Ian's request. “Basta, go straight home na ha? May guesting pa kayo bukas na umaga. You two should rest, okay?”

Silence filled the car as soon as they both entered. Ian’s on the driver’s seat, Paolo sitting beside him – parehong naghihintay na may mag-salita.

“So… you’re leaving?” Ian began as he rested his forehead on the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry, Ian. ‘Di ko na kase kaya i-manage ‘yung oras ko. I still need to pass the board exams. ‘Di na nga ako nakakapag-enroll sa mga review centers because of my schedule.”

“I mean, I understand naman, Pao. Alam mo naman na I will always understand you, diba?” He looked at him, tears were now starting to fall from his eyes. “But why didn’t you tell me? Bakit ‘di mo muna sinabi sa’kin? Bakit do'n ko pa sa loob kailangan malaman?”

“Because I was scared about how you’ll react. Takot ako na baka isipin mong iiwanan kita…” 

And he knew that Paolo’s right. The only reason why he’s acting this way is that he was so scared to not have him by his side anymore. Sanay na sanay na siyang mapag-isa pero meeting him made everything so light and bearable. Do’n niya lang narealize na ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam na may kasama, na hindi ka mag-isa palagi. So, ano nalang mangyayari sakanya kapag umalis na ito sa tabi niya? Ang lungkot-lungkot kapag mag-isa nalang siya ulit.

Paolo reached for his hand, his thumb caressing his wrist. The realization of not having him this close anymore made Ian cry like a little baby. He heard him chuckled and said, “Parang sira ‘to. Hindi naman kita iiwan, Yanyan.”

And that was the only lie he ever said to him.

\---

_ Present time. _

_ New Year’s Eve  _

“Kumusta ka na?” 

That was the only thing he said after seeing Ian in front of him. Fifteen years had already passed but time was so powerless that it can’t even ruin how Ian Pangilinan looked. Despite the lines that were starting to form on his forehead, he was still so beautiful. He was so pretty that looking at him actually hurts.

“Okay naman ako…” the other awkwardly answered. 

Sandali nanaman silang natahimik. If it weren’t for Maris, probably they’ll look stupid just staring at each other in the middle of the lobby. 

“Okay, guys! Let’s go inside na! Akin muna ang PangPang, okay?” Do’n nalang nila napansin na tinitingnan na pala sila ng maraming tao. Maris pulled them inside – away from the cameras on the entrance.

Heads turned as they walk inside, Maris was in the middle - clinging to both of their arms as if she was so scared of what might happen to them in case she lets them go. 

It was so awkward to see people throwing glances at them. S’yempre, sino ba naman hindi magugulat seeing them together again, diba? It was the first time that they were both seen together after Gaya sa Pelikula ended. Well, Ian stuck around in the industry, unlike Paolo who vanished into thin air after they finished promoting the movie. Kahit sa social media ay nag-deactivate siya. Naging issue tuloy ito dati. Sinabihan siya na kung ano-ano, even some fans were distraught with what happened. 

It was alright for Ian, though. He knew that he wanted to focus on his studies and have zero distractions. Okay na sana sakanya ‘yon kung hindi lang pati siya ay hindi na nito kinibo. No text messages, kahit sa mga personal social media accounts nito ay hindi man lang siya kinumusta. He believed that he really wanted to stay away from everything – and that includes him. 

Ian was so hurt because of that. There were times that he couldn’t go to his taping because he wasn’t in the mood. It was as if his sense of purpose went with Paolo. Everything just came back to normal when he finally met Maris and befriended her. He still couldn’t forget how she literally slapped him just to knock some sense into his brain. But he deserved it, though. Her slap worked and guided him back to his passion. 

They survived the whole party with awkward conversations and stolen glances. Many people were swarming around Paolo so it wasn’t that easy for Ian to catch up with him. Nagu-usap naman sila pero palaging _small talk_. Ramdam nila pareho na hindi na sila kasing close tulad ng dati.

“Bye PangPang!” Napalingon sila kay Maris nang dumating na ang sasakyan nito. They were now in front of the main lobby where people were waiting for their rides. “Ian, see you sa meeting bukas. Sulitin mo na ang gabi pero wag kayong mag-puyat, ha?”

Napailing nalang siya dahil sa sinabi ng kaibigan. “Sira. As if.”

They both looked at her car as it drove away. Paolo was standing beside him. He was typing something on his phone – the light from his phone being the only thing that illuminates his face. But the uneven darkness couldn’t hide for him to see how immaculate he was. 

_ Pinagkakaguluhan din kaya ‘to sa ospital? _ Ian thought. Nagulat nalang siya nang bigla siya nitong lingunin. Agad niya nalang natanong, “Wala pa ‘yung car mo?”

“Ah, magbu-book lang ako ng Grab. May sira kase ‘yung car ko.”

“So, commute ka lang? Kahit sa work?” Ian smiled when he realized how random his question was. Wala naman siya magagawa, wala siyang maisip na pwede pag-usapan. Paolo nodded at his question which Ian then followed with another one, “Paopao… gusto mo ba hatid na kita?”

Paolo couldn’t stop his lips from curving into a wide smile as he nodded. All these years of being drowned with work, he missed this fuzzy feeling he always gets from him. 

_ Ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam, _ he told himself – remembering the very first time he felt it. But a part of him knew that he needs to stop this and he hoped that Ian would finally see that, too. Things aren’t the same as before and it would be a huge mistake if they tried changing it back again.

Ian was on his phone when they started walking to the parking lot. “Yes, Mav. I’m with Pao. Hatid ko lang siya and diretso uwi na ako. Yes, maaga po ako bukas. I already took note of the meeting for the new movie.” He turned to Paolo and pointed at the black Civic in front of them. “Yes. Don’t worry about me. Ingat kayo. Love you.”

“May work ka ulit bukas?” Ian heard him ask after he ended the call. He nodded before entering his car. “Busy na busy ha. Iba ka na talaga.”

“Sus, nothing new. Besides, look who’s talking? Doctor Paolo Victor Gonzales Pangilinan… I heard some news about you. I’m so happy you finally reached your dreams…”

He winced after he realized what he just said. Napatingin din siya sa reaksyon ni Paolo at kitang-kita niya ang pagkawala ng ngiti sa mga labi nito. If he could only slap himself right now, gagawin niya talaga. Bakit niya ba nasabi ‘yon? At bakit sa gano’ng tono pa? It was as if he was being sarcastic from how he said that last part. 

He started driving – an awkward silence started to form between them. Ian cleared his throat and tried his best to lighten the atmosphere, “Same pa rin ba inuuwian mo?” Paolo nodded at him – his eyes staring at the lights they pass by.

Magso-sorry na sana siya nang maunahan siya nitong magsalita. 

“I’m sorry for what I did, Ian. I really am.”

He heaved out a huge sigh as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “No, I understand naman. I knew how you wanted to be a doctor. But the only thing that bums me out is that you even stopped talking to me.”

“Bakit ‘di mo ako pinuntahan?”

“Because I thought you really wanted to detach everything away from you.”

“And you think that includes you?”

Natigilan si Ian nang bigla siyang sagutin ng gano’n ni Paolo. He was dumbfounded at what he said. He struggled to find the right words to say because he knew the exact reason. He was so scared of the possibility that maybe he was right. What if gusto talaga nito magpakalayo sa lahat? What if he was so focused on his studies that he wanted to isolate himself from everything? Pa’no kung totoo pala ‘yon? Ian wouldn’t know what he’ll do to himself if reality slapped him with that truth. 

Pero tingnan mo sila ngayon… look at this distance made by another episode of his over-thinking. Even he was now sitting beside him, an inch away from an embrace, why does it feel like he was still so unreachable? 

Ian pulled over before they could even cause traffic. Ayaw niya naman na patuloy siyang nagda-drive habang nagtatalo sila. Why are they even arguing? What’s the point of all of this? 

The sound of the rushing cars was the only thing they could hear.

“Look, Pao. I’m sorry I said that. I don’t want to argue about this anymore. I was hurt no’ng bigla ka nalang nawala – I’ll admit that. Pero eventually that hurt faded because I knew that you were just reaching for your dreams. Can we just put it all behind and forget it? Parang kase tayong bata...”

He nodded. “Gusto ko ring mag-apologize. Nage-gets ko naman ‘yung naramdaman mo dati. It’s my fault that I didn’t reach out to you sooner. I got terribly busy with the reviews and stuff. And nasanay na rin yata ako na ikaw palagi ‘yung unang nagri-reach out. Kaya I’m sorry… I was so selfish…”

It was then he realized that Ian was already looking at him. His hazel eyes were staring right into his soul. His gaze was pulling him into a trance that Paolo couldn’t manage to get out of. It was so intoxicating and he knew it was so wrong – what he was feeling right now was so wrong.

“It’s nothing, Pao, let’s just forget about it. Pwede ka naman bumawi, e.” A smile was now on his face as he started the engine again. “I’ll play some music, ha? I know you’ll love it. I’ll put this on shuffle nalang.”

At hindi nga siya nagkaka-mali dahil agad itong napangiti nang marinig ang kanta. As if the instrumentals were already enough to realize what he was playing.

“I’m glad hindi pa nila tinanggal ‘yung buong soundtrack. Namiss ko ‘to…”

_ (Took a morning ride to the place where you and I were supposed to meet _

_ The city yawns, they echo on _

_ My thoughts are spinning on and on my head, it seems _

_ They lead me back to you _

_ I keep coming back to you…) _

But Paolo couldn’t point out what exactly he missed: the song filling the whole car or this exact moment he was sharing with Ian. _Fifteen years_ , he said to himself with regret. Fifteen years ang nawala sakanila. Ang daming taon na ang nakalipas at ganito pa rin ang nararamdaman niya. Ang dami nang nag-bago sakanila pero bakit hindi ang kanyang pagtingin dito? It felt so right but yet it still felt so wrong. Paolo knew that.

_ ‘Does he still feel the same way kaya?’  _ Ian asked himself as he took a peek at his face. It was so obvious that he was enjoying the little throwback that he was playing. Ito naman talaga plano niya, e. It may be delusional of him to assume for a second chance. So many years had already passed and he knew that it wouldn’t be the same way for them – but it wouldn’t hurt to have a little hope, right?

“Do you still remember the times that our fans would gush over the songs that we were playing on Spotify?” he said as they both laughed. “It was so weird to see them tracking everything but at the same time, it made me so happy din.”

“Totoo. Even ‘yung fan-fictions they’ve written about us,” Paolo added – their laughter dancing along to the music.

The familiar warmth was now starting to embrace them as they talk about their past memories together – from the random coffee shop trips up to the times where they console each other from their own anxieties and doubts. It was so relieving that it somehow cleared the awful atmosphere between the two of them just a while ago. 

“Nagkataon kase na may duty ako that day kaya ‘di ako naka-punta. Sorry ulit…” Paolo pouted after Ian brought up the recent reunion party the whole cast of Gaya sa Pelikula had.

“Stop apologizing, ano ba.” He chuckled. “Sayang lang because everybody was there. Gege introduced his fiancé and Ate Yen brought Addie, daughter niya. It would be so perfect if you were there, too. Bawi ka next time ha?”

He nodded and changed the topic. “Alam mo, pinapanood ko kaya ‘yung mga movies mo. ‘Di man lang ako naka-congratulate when you won an Oscar last year. Medyo late na ako pero I just wanna say that I am so proud of you...”

Ian was biting his lip to stop himself from beaming. He kept his eyes on the road as the most beautiful kind of butterflies was already filling his tummy. He was so happy that he couldn’t say a word. That’s why during the whole ride Paolo was the only one who kept talking. Nagbabawi talaga ito sakanya.

He was just there driving, hearing Paolo’s voice as if it was more enchanting than the music that was already playing. He was so tongue-tied that the only thing that was on his mind right now is to pull his face towards his and rekindle the love they once shared. Literal na pagod na siya mag-isip. He doesn’t want to over-think the consequences again.

“I miss this song!” Paolo cooed as a new song started to play.

_ (Huwag mangamba _

_ Alam kong ika'y pagod na _

_ Tatandaan _

_ Pag ang mga pintuan _

_ Ay nagsara _

_ Mga bisig ko'y laging bukas…) _

“Tara na! Theme-song test tayo!”

“Ayos ka lang? I’m driving, Pao.” He was laughing so hard after seeing how eager he was. Para siyang bata sa pagka-excited niya, kulang nalang ay tumalon at pumalakpak siya d’yan sa inuupuan niya.

“But I don’t need to close my eyes to see who I wanted to be with…” Ian said in a hushed tone – the street lights flushing in and out the vehicle.

“Ano ‘yun?”

“Wala. Bahala ka d'yan.”

He was still listening to every story Paolo was sharing. Tawang-tawa nalang siya nang nai-kwento nito ang mga na-experience niya sa pagiging doktor. Hanggang ngayon pa rin talaga, napapatawa pa rin siya nito ng ganito kalakas. God, how he missed being this happy!

After half an hour, they finally arrived at Paolo’s place. It was still so familiar to Ian. Nothing really has changed, may mga bagong halaman lang sa harap. The Christmas décor waved at them while they stood in front of their gate.

“Happy New Year pala…” Ian said while scratching the back of his head - just realizing now the festivities. “Nand’yan ba sila Tita?”

“Ah, wala sila. Nag-bakasyon sila kasama sila Ate. Gusto mo bang pumasok?”

“Mag-isa ka lang ba?”

_ Is this the sign I have been asking?,  _ Ian thought – their eyes locked to each other. No words were being muttered, fireworks were faintly heard from a distance. Who would have thought that after everything, they would end up like this? Successful in their own careers. Their dreams finally in their own hands. It was almost perfect, to be honest. Ang kulang nalang? Them being there for each other. Them being in each other's arms again. Hindi naman huli ang lahat, diba? They could still change that, right?

But before Paolo could even answer him, they heard the front gate open. “Love?” 

Ian creased his forehead when he heard a woman’s voice. He was so confused as he eyed her walking towards them. She was wearing a long silk dress that somehow accentuated the little bump on her tummy. He was so lost that he stared at Paolo – asking for him to explain.

“Oh my gosh! Ikaw po si Ian Pangilinan, diba?” A fake smile started to curve from his lips just to be decent in front of the woman. “I’m such a huge fan po! Pinapunta mo ba talaga siya dito, Paopao?”

Lalo lang siyang naguluhan. _Paopao_? _Love_? He was looking for answers from him but he couldn’t even manage to look straight back at him. Seeing him this lost made reality slowly dawned at Ian. It was as if he finally connected everything together. Bakit ang tanga niya?

Fear crept in as Paolo saw the confusion from his face. Ito na nga ba sinasabi niya, e. Ito ‘yung rason kung bakit sinasabihan ni Paolo ang sarili niya na tumigil. From the way he looked at him, the way he laughed at every joke, or even the way he acted around him, Paolo knew Ian still haven’t moved on. But what frustrates him the most was he was reciprocating all the subtle affection he had been giving. Totoo nga yata sabi nila na your first love will always have that special space in your heart. Pero bakit parang ang selfish naman no’n?

“Ah… Jessica. Ian. Ian, si Jessica…” Paolo introduced them to one another when he realized he froze at that moment. “…fiancé ko.”

"Nice to meet you! I'm shy to ask this pero punta ka sa wedding namin next month, ha? Pao has been talking nonstop about you! I couldn't believe it kase talaga na my fiance's best friend is a famous actor!"

Ian didn’t know how to react. All he did was nod at the woman and rub his palms against his pants. _Best friend_? _Fiancé_? _Ikakasal na sila_? 

Why was he so stupid? Why was he expecting a second chance? It has been fifteen years, of course, he would find someone new! Siya lang naman talaga ‘yung tangang umaasa na babalik pa sila sa dati, e. But why didn't he tell him sooner? Bakit hindi man lang siya nitong sinabihan na he already has someone new? Para at least man lang, Ian knew when to give up. Gano'n naman kadali 'yun, e. Isang sabi niya lang, titigil siya. Para sakanya, titigil siya. 

“How about you go inside na muna? I can make balot you some food? I know you needed to be with your family before the year ends. It’s past eleven na kase,” Jessica said as he saw how her hand wrapped around Paolo’s arm. But Ian still gave them a smile – he’s a renowned actor for crying out loud – masking your pain to your past lover wouldn’t be that hard.

“I need to go. Baka ma-traffic pa ako, e. Happy New Year, though.” He managed to say that without breaking his voice or before he could even shed a tear in front of them. A smile was the only thing he gave to the couple, Paolo’s gaze fixated on the ground – probably ashamed of how awful the night had turned.

But as soon as he was walking back towards his car, he heard Jessica once again – her voice going with the sound of the fireworks. “Happy New Year, _Pancake_!”

She was beaming at him, her hand waving him goodbye. Akala ata nito ay matutuwa siya sa pag-tawag sakanya ng gano’n. Gusto niya nalang mag-walang hiya sa harap nila. Gusto niyang ilabas lahat ng nararamdaman niyang sakit. Pero hindi niya kaya.

All he could do was to wave back and greet them once more. It pained him to see Paolo being pulled by her inside the house. He couldn't even look back at him for the last time. Look at how everything escalated so quickly. Ironic would be such an understatement.

You know what they say about second chances? Sabi nga nila, _‘love is sweeter the second time around’_ , same logic din kaya siya sa heart-ache? Because what hurts more than seeing your favorite person drifting away from you? Easy, when that same person loved you and left you again for the second time. Umasa kang magmamahalan kayo ulit, pero in the end, iniwan ka paring dehado. 

The tears finally poured when Ian got back inside his car. He was sobbing – letting every pain out. Then, he realized the playlist that he put on shuffle. At that time he realized the song that was already filling the whole car. The singer was already half-way through the song, every lyric hushing the cries of his tearing heart.

He smiled and pulled his phone from his pocket. The wallpaper from its screen waved at Ian - tears continued cascading down his cheeks. It was a polaroid photo they took together while filming Gaya sa Pelikula fifteen years ago. 

_ (Ang tamis at aruga.  _

_ Na laganap sa simula. _

_ Ngayo'y nabaon na.  _

_ Sa puso't isip na mapait.  _

_ 'Di na maibabalik.  _

_ Sa unang araw…) _

** "Happy New Year,  ** _ ** Pancake ** _ ** ." **

**Author's Note:**

> Don't attack me on this, okay? PangPang rise pa rin huhu.


End file.
